Len's News, Notes, and Stuff

Guys, Learn to Dance or Cook Only Because You Enjoy the Activity

This post is for the young guys out there who are hunting for a Ms. Right or for a number of Ms. Good-for-Funs.

Being able to dance or being able to cook won’t help you.  If you decide to take dance lessons or cooking lessons, do it only because you personally want to dance or want to cook.

I started taking dance lessons because I was sick and tired of being scared of the dancefloor and fed up with being totally inept out there.  I kept with them for a while because I enjoy the personal challenge of getting a movement or technique right.  I took cooking lessons because I like to eat well and couldn’t afford to eat at snazzy places all the time.  I continue to learn more about cooking because I now like to make stuff that’s better than 80% of the restaurants out there.

Yet, when I was still taking the classes I’d often get people asking me, “Are you trying to get girls?”  I’ve overheard women chatting with one another about a guy and quipping, “Oh he sounds great!  He’d be perfect if he could dance and cook, too!”

One of my dance instructor friends tells me that he started dancing precisely because he wanted better luck with the ladies.  He now dances extremely well.  Hell, he’d better since he’s teaching other people to dance!  I think he does pretty well with the ladies.  Yet, I think it’s more his personality than his dancing ability that does the trick.

For whatever reason, many people believe that men who can dance or men who can cook are considered choice picks for women.  Even women themselves seem to believe this, at least a little bit.  At minimum, there’s a belief that it’s worth some kind of bonus points.

It isn’t, though.  Okay, fine, maybe you get 1 extra point for it, but that’s worth about as much as 1 extra Air Mile.

If I may use an analogy that many of us can relate to, dance ability and cooking ability are like nice rims on a car.  Sure, we’ll take the nice rims if the car comes with them, but we’re not going to choose a car just because it’s got nice rims.  If you were trying to decide which car to buy, would you give a rat’s ass that one car has nicer rims than another?  No, because it says nothing about the car’s intrinsic quality.  Whether you want a dependable family car to keep for years, or a fun ride that will blow your socks off and leave you with nothing but a smile & your heart racing, the rims are nice to have but ultimately not worth a second thought. You can always buy better rims for your car later.

It’s the same thing when it comes to dancing and cooking.  Sure, a woman will certainly like it if their guy can dance or can cook.  But if it wasn’t a guy they’d be interested in to begin with, would knowing they can dance or cook change their minds?  Get your brain checked if you think the answer is anything other than No.

If you were in the market for something sporty and sexy, would you choose a Dodge Caravan for fun if I slapped on slick new 17-inch rims and low-profile tires on it?   Would you really consider buying it because I did that?  You’d be lying beyond belief if you told me yeah, you would.

If you want better luck in your hunt, change the car.  Improve who you are and how you present yourself.  Change from a Dodge Caravan to a Ferrari.  Or change from a Dodge Caravan to a BMW/Mercedes/Infiniti/Lexus/Acura.  Don’t just change the rims and think it’ll get the buyers rushing into the showroom, fighting each other to buy the thing.

Take dance lessons because you like to dance or because you like the discipline of perfecting your technique.  Take cooking lessons because you like to eat well or because you can’t afford to eat out and can’t handle another night of Kraft Dinner.  Just don’t take dance lessons or cooking lessons thinking you’re going to get bonus points with the ladies.